An Open Letter to Brennan’s Bread

Posted by on Sep 18, 2013 in Blog, News | 10 comments

An Open Letter to Brennan’s Bread
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Dear Mr Brennan

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! on achieving 3rd place in the “Biggest Selling brands in Ireland” groceries ranking!

Brennan’s Bread really is an iconic name in Ireland – I would love to know how you got there? The fact that bread is so cheap to make and really popular must have been a great help, right?

And then there are those adverts of yours. Ah sure they’re great. Old Mr Brennan would nearly bring a tear to your eye! This one reminds me of Russell Crowe in Gladiator! (I think it might be my favourite actually)

It’s really powerful, emotive stuff. Very well done indeed!

Of course the wheat that Maximus Decimus Meridius was running his fingers through was einkorn wheat and much more nutritious than the dwarf wheat Old Mr Brennan is baking with nowadays.

 

field

 

Did you find some of the einkorn wheat to shoot this or did you use camera trickery to make the modern dwarf wheat look taller than it really is? I won’t tell anyone but it’s very clever! Can you imagine if the wheat had been tickling their ankles in the advert?!

You may not have made it to that Number 3 spot!!

Do you plan to show any soya plants or trees (where does that stuff grow anyway?) in your next ad because I see you have some of that stuff in your bread too. What’s it doing there anyway?

By the way have you seen what 2 slices of modern wholemeal bread can do to some folk’s blood sugar levels? Whoahhhh it’s HECTIC! If you don’t have time to watch this clip all you really need to know is that the bread beats a Snickers bar 3 – 2!!  Wheat beats sweets? Who’d have thought it? Even Dr Oz was surprised by that one!

Maybe you should send him a white sliced loaf of yours to see how he goes with that!! Do you think it would beat the wholemeal yourself? What about a Mars bar?

I read somewhere that foods that wreck havoc with blood sugar levels seem to be a key contributor to things like obesity and diabetes, so this can’t be good news for, well, pretty much two thirds of the Irish population.

Would you agree with me there?

This whole wheat thing really is very interesting indeed. Do you know that they’ve actually been sowing, harvesting and studying wheat every year since 1843 in this one special place over in England. That’s amazing, right?

Turns out that things started to go badly wrong with wheat right after England won the World Cup in 1966. I know it’s crazy but I think there might be a link there!

Check out the massive increase in yield per hectare when they replaced Maximus Decimus Meridius’ einkorn wheat with the modern stuff after England won the World Cup. Do you think Bobby Moore their captain had anything to do with this?

1966

 

I was wondering have you considered changing the name of your smaller Half Pan Loaf to the “Dwarf Loaf” to celebrate the 50th birthday celebrations of modern wheat? Working in marketing as I do would lead me to believe that this could work well – but don’t worry I won’t charge you for it ;) Better still, how about getting your hands on some einkorn wheat and changing your “Today’s Bread Today” tagline to “Brennan’s. Yesterday’s Bread Today.”

Do you see where I’m coming from there?

It’s funny but my granny used to always say “Ah they don’t make em like they used to.” Bless her, I think she was right after all when it comes to bread. Does Old Mr Brennan say that about your bread as well?

Anyway this whole bread thing can be very confusing for a layman like myself and it has been giving me sleepless nights of late. Until Dr Mary McCreery came along to put my mind at ease, I was having nightmares about those Wheat Belly and Grain Brain books. Those guys are crazy right?

Dr McCreery seems to be a very nice, highly qualified lady who really likes bread. Is she a friend of the family?

To have a Consultant Clinical Nutritionist at the prestigious Blackrock Clinic in Dublin say nice things about your white bread must be very satisfying indeed. Did you send her sandwiches or a free loaf of your Weight Watchers loaf or anything like that? How does that work by the way? Is that like the thing they did with McDonalds?

Those school lunch ideas you give people for free on your website are brilliant as well by the way. The one with popcorn and juice and white bread sandwiches with low fat spread should be very popular with the 1 in 3 Irish kids who are now obese. Dr McCreery seems to think its OK anyway so that’s good. Professor Tim Noakes MD wouldn’t agree at all. Do you know him? He’s a very famous Sports Scientist from South Africa apparently. I guess he knows a lot about running but do you think he really knows what he’s talking about when it comes to bread and wheat and getting fat? Do you think somebody paid him to say bad things about bread?

Anyway, it’s just a shame we’re all getting so fat these days. It really is hard to know who to blame! What with all these Big Food companies pretending to support healthy eating to make more sales I’m getting really worried.

Who to trust?

Do you ever think about these things at all? Does Old Mr Brennan mention it? He must yearn for the days when wheat was einkorn, chickens had beaks and Irish children had a boiled egg before they ran off to school.

Do you think England will ever win the World Cup again?

Looking forward to your reply and please do give my regards to Old Mr Brennan.

The Cereal Killer

Ps: We just made a film called Cereal Killers. You probably won’t like it.

10 Comments

  1. I think I love you! I actually phoned good ol’ Dr. Mary McCreery a few months back to ask her how white bread is healthy, she was incredibly rude and hung up on me! I wrote this blog a few months back to help control my anger… http://thelifestyleleprechaun.wordpress.com/2012/11/26/irish-doctor-says-white-bread-is-healthy-therefore-it-must-be-true/

    • Thanks Lynda – and great work on your own blog there! The nature of Dr McCreery’s commercial relationship with Brennan’s has weakened her resume – hanging up was the easy option :) Keep it up!

  2. That was hilarious. And so very true. I’ve already given stink about their “good source of protein” adverts plastered on bus stops and ad signs all over the country by facebook and other means. I’ve been paleo since March. Since then I’ve lost 45 lbs and feel amazing. My blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar all returned to good levels. I feel amazing for the first time in years. Bread has nothing to do with my diet anymore. If the marketing dept of Brennans really wants to show how healthy their products are, adopt some new product lines. Gluten free, and or paleo friendly breads will open you up to a whole new and massive market. In the meantime keep the “we’re SUCH a healthy option” ad’s to yourselves…. NO ONE believes them

    • Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it Barry :) Great job on your own story there – 45lbs is a serious achievement. Yours is a story people need to be told. Would you mind if we shared it? We’re releasing the movie in Q4 so keep an eye out for us over on facebook.com/cerealkillersmovie.

  3. I salute you, well done!

    • Thanks! Glad you like the post ;)

  4. Donal I so buy into everything you are about.I have been on my own journey of discovery and have been trying to educate my colleagues for at least a decade about the importance of “proper”nutrition.I tell people that there,s probably more nutrients in the box composition than the contents of the box.By the way your cousin John is still eating Wheatabix!!!I am a nurse and I work with him!
    Keep up the good work I, and my close group of like minded friends
    are behind you 100%
    Hilary

    • Thank you Hilary!

  5. I wrote to the advertising standards about this matter a few weeks ago following here promotional page on Brennans Bread in the Irish Times. They wrote back saying they could not find anything wrong with this promotion of crap food.

    • Any such ads will be carefully checked and worded by the lawyers Jerome. Unfortunately there is no legislation in place to REALLY protect the consumer from bluff like Brennans. There are worse offenders out there too!

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